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HURT

My heart cried, an unsaid pain;

Blood bubbled, And the body was frail;

Rants and rants; cries and cries;

Reasons weren’t enough;

Louder, louder; I screamed and shouted;

Although the heart kept bleeding.

Why and what; the eye questioned,

Confrontation didn’t seem to be the answer.

A cloud of gloom on thoughts was smitten;

Arguments and arguments; the mind rattled;

Time, time; the soul whispered;

Scars and wounds; with time was forgotten!

 

Once upon a time in the jungles of Africa, lived the King of the Jungle with his son Ryan. Ryan was a very playful Lion cub. He used to have shower in the spring nearby, played with his friend and listen to stories from his father. One day a group of people from the American Zoo came to the jungle. They had guns in their hand and they were looking for animals for keeping them in their zoo. Ryan as usual went to play with his friends but today he went little ahead of his usual area. The zoo people found him and caught him. Ryan roared but he was too young to roar as loud as his father. Ryan was put in a cage and was taken away from the jungle.

Ryan was now big and stout. His roar was loud and forceful.  He was now the star of the New York Zoo. People came from far to see his performance. He was good with people and people loved him. He made a lot of friends in the zoo. Garry, the giraffe; was his best friend. Garry lived in the arena just beside Ryan. They were good friends. Garry always wanted to go out and have fun. One day Garry by mistake got into the rescue boxes that were meant to bring animals from the wild and got stuck there. Ryan ran behind him and he himself got stuck in another box. The boxes were kept on a ship and the ship sailed in the Atlantic.

There was a heavy storm in the Atlantic. The ship got wrecked and Ryan somehow got onto the wooden planks of the box and floated on the water. After few days, Ryan reached a shore. It was a small and strange place. The vegetation in these lands was also different. Ryan was hungry now. He didn’t have anything for the past few days. He began his search for food. Suddenly he came across a pride of lion. They were very powerful. They ruled that area. Ryan didn’t know how to hunt so he had to stay with him for food. In beginning none of them liked him but eventually everyone started liking him. The females in the pride were especially fond of Ryan after he had saved them from a group of people. Even though Ryan didn’t know to hunt he very well knew how to deal with people.

Days passed. The males of the pride started disliking Ryan due to his growing popularity. They decided to oust him out of the group. One day they called Ryan and said that he was not of any help and if he wanted to stay with them he had to bring water in the place which according to them was impossible. Now Ryan was to break the dam nearby the village to bring water to that region. So he went to that area and began thinking how he can do it. In these days of his solitude, he made many friends who used to come near the dam to drink water. He made friends with Martha monkey, viper snake, timothy the elephant and to his surprise he met Garry, his old friend. He was very happy. Now they all began thinking how to get water into the area.

One fine day, Garry came up with an idea. He reminded Ryan that his greatest strength was his performance and he must use it to break the dam. Then, Martha monkey bend the tree branches across the dam and viper snake tied them together. Ryan then could reach upto the dam. He danced and danced on it with all his force and all the animals rejoiced in happiness. And at one point the dam broke and water came gushing into the lands. Ryan was back into the pride and the other lions now had only respect for Ryan. The great performance and great bonding of Ryan and his friends made him successful. 

On the top of the shelf, it was kept

Unused over years, it was left

Losing all its shiny, steely edge

It couldn’t even make any etch.

It was a blunt knife

It lay there without life

Over years it was rusted

And it was never dusted

I thought I was the same

With no innovation I was lame

No one was to blame

For my lack of spirit made me feel shame

But hope is always there

And to our instincts if we adhere

We can always be mended

So start the task that is recommended

As each day passed, Anna’s curiosity kept on increasing. Was it true that she felt? She was just being introduced to this world, the world of questioning, reasoning, excitement… They were tiny, mobile and transparent yet they were there. She could very much see them but she didn’t say this to anyone. She kept it to herself. But always these things excited her…what are these that she was seeing? She thought they must be those that she was being taught in her class; micro-organisms, some of them round with flagella, some stationary and transparent.  But her teacher told her that they couldn’t be seen with naked eyes then what were those, that she was seeing.  Thinking about these over and over again and rubbing her eyes, she went into slumber.

Next day morning as she woke up, she rubbed her eyes and again in front of her was those, tiny, mobile objects about which she fascinated all this time. Now, her eyes were wide open and she could no more see her fantasies. She got ready for the school and started for school. She didn’t talk to anybody nor was she interested in knowing anybody else’s stories. She was just drowned in her own thoughts. As her school bus passed by, her eyes suddenly caught the attention of tiny, round bubbles. A man was dipping a small stick like thing in some kind of solution and was blowing through it and she could see that fantastical round, transparent bubbles coming out. They gleamed with different colors in sunlight. She felt excited about what she saw.  The whole day passed and Anna almost forgot all about this when she started playing with friends. But as dusk fell and she was alone on her bed, her thoughts went back to her fantasies that she had felt. Those transparent things, those gleaming bubbles…..yawn and the lights went off.

The chart with a microscope diagram was hung on the wall and the teacher was explaining the basic principles of microscopy; its invention, uses. Anna was listening carefully. She knew that those objects that she saw were visible only under a microscope but exceptionally she could see them with her naked eyes. Now another thought strike her. Was she having eyes as powerful as the microscope? Was she a wonder girl? She had seen many super heroes and wonder-women in the cartoon series with exceptional power. Was she a wonder-woman? She felt excited and top of the world but still kept this to herself. Yawn…she slept. But today, before sleeping she didn’t rub her eyes. Her microscopy eyes didn’t saw those micro-organisms…

The time is around 11:00 pm and I m sitting in my room browsing. Like every other student, I opened my facebook and was going through the notifications. Only then did I see the NIUS-experiences by Mrityunjay bhaiyya and Anurag bhaiyya. I read through and I drifted and all my own experiences flashed across my mind.

I scored the highest marks in a chemistry quiz, seeing that my instructor had asked me to apply for the NIUS-program. It was almost the last day that I sent the application. I was not at all sure of this. Like everyone else had mentioned in their experience about the prejudice about engineering, I too had the same feeling. By my teacher’s grace I got selected and for the first time, I went for a science camp oriented for doing research and that too by undergrads. I was thrilled and excited. It was hard to leave home as it was the first time that I was coming back from hostel after nearly 5 months (staying away from home from the first time). I reached Mumbai-the city of dreams as all say and HBCSE.

The place itself had a feeling that makes you feel graced for being there. In the camp, there were students from many parts of the country. Somehow all the girls in the group came together and we all bonded very well. We used to attend lectures in the morning; although many parts of the lectures went above our heads, we could get the essence of all. We used to discuss our lectures in the evening and then after dinner we used to talk and chat a lot. The days soon got over and I miss those days till now, some of the best days of my life. During that period I stayed with Ashina didi and everyday when I used to go to room, I used to see her doing her work, reading through papers; which gave me a flavor of how things are to be done. Learning can be done from anywhere only that you have to take up the opportunity; the first thing NIUS taught me. While leaving HBCSE, I went through the Mankhurd station road. There is a Ram temple over there.  I prayed to God to shower his blessings so that I get selected and I did get selected.

In my first summer, I studied a lot of literature. It was the first time in my life that I was actually going through this process. Many a times, I got jammed and tried to solve my problems. But the one most required thing that I didn’t do was speaking out my problems. I had problems, everyone has but I didn’t speak. I tried to cover them up. But still my mentor Indrani ma’m never gave up on me and she always kept pursuing me. Keeping up patience is a great thing in science and keeping up this, working hard and determinately, is a key to success. My second most important lesson form NIUS. I completed my first phase of work in NIUS.

I always looked up to people like Rohit bhaiyya. I always used to hear about him in my college but didn’t have a chance to get to know him. I used to see him and I realized that doing something whole-heartedly is very much essential for keeping up the spirits of the work. I use to see all my immediate seniors working hard and never giving up. Although unfortunately many of my fellow batch-mates had left, but these people and some of my own friends gave me the spirits to be back and not leave. Whatever it was, the days were enjoyable. The ice-cream parlor visits, where Ashna di, Sheetal di and Juhi di used to give me and Kajari the boost for working for the next day; the chit-chat during lunch breaks and tea-breaks with Tejal di, Sonali di and kavita di were all memorable.

Mumbai, the city of skyscrapers; the city of India that never sleeps… city of dreams and opportunities….Victoria Terminus and the Gateway of India, a little far away… It was nearly 4:00 in the morning and my train was about to reach Mumbai-CST (Chatrapati Shivaji Rail Terminus). I just got up from my sleep and got ready to get down. It was the first time, I was visiting this city. I was especially excited because this is the city that is very close to me yet far, may be for many of the T.V buffs too  because most of the shoots and stories of the T.V shows are located in and based on Mumbai. It was early in the morning and I stepped onto CST. What a feeling it was… I was overwhelmed to see the city awake even at this time of the day… It was amazing and exciting as well.

It was weekend and I was feeling bored after tiring work in the lab. So in spite of the strict instructions from my parents not to go out alone, I had to step out. I had mixed feelings. I was thrilled to go out all alone in a new place, I had never been before and little frightened as well. I left Mankhurd station and came to CST. One of friends who was also doing summer project in Mumbai had come to receive me. Now, I was only thrilled as he was there with me.

We had our breakfast in Hotel Canon, the one which I had seen in a TV commercial. To taste Pav-Bhaji that too in this place was like out of this world. Then came the best part of Mumbai- Marine Drive… I don’t know which thing- the drizzle, the cold breeze, the water, the vast stretch, mesmerizing look of the city, made it more magical but it was like I had reached zenith.  It was a feeling that I never had in my life before. It was so serene and soothing. I felt like standing there and look at the sea and do nothing. The rain drops made it even more special. People chatted and laughed their hearts out, there were even marriage proposals. Everyone was immersed in themselves. And that is why even in midst of so many people I felt calm and soothing. I wished I could be there forever and that magical moment never ends. This is a place I always go whenever I m in Mumbai. It heals me, ushers in me hope and revives me.

There were lot of places in and around Mumbai and I enjoyed every part of it. The city had a magic in it. Not every part of the city was as magical as Marine drive but still the city has spirits in high amounts. I know every city has its spirits but somehow the spirits of this city reaches upto its people and remains with them forever. Mumbai, the city of dreams…many articles written, many songs sung  yet with your eyes you see it a new way and this makes Mumbai stand out.  It is ambitious and passionate. It offers you many things yet immerses you in itself. Mumbai, a quest, it makes everyone to follow it and reach upto it and once you are there, it spells you into magic you can never break. Mumbai, an unforgettable wish….

The cold breeze on the face, droplets of rain tickling the cheeks, loosely tied hairs flattering in wind, pleasant smell of the wet mud, melodies playing and a moving bus… forgetting everything in the world, enjoying the bliss in the moment, I felt very special and the music I was listening to made me feel even more special. Screech and the bus halted, I reached my destination and the journey was over… I almost felt it is a film scene and I am the central character of the film, in her introductory scene.

Every day as I go home from the lab, my heart feels so good. It gives me a new life, a strength that at the end of the day I m going to under kind shade of my parents. And this delight acts as the fuel for my imagination to take off.

Taken from a side view, the camera focusing on the main character of the film defining her beauty and importance, this scene will get connected to many viewers; the director of the films may feel. I don’t know about all but definitely it connected with me. I didn’t want to prove it to someone that I was special or beautiful but somehow it gave me a feeling that cannot be expressed but just be felt.

 

Life is the answer…

Life is the answer, don’t panic in vain,

If tonight there is no moon, your heart feels pain,

Don’t curse the night just realize the stars,

May be your ignorance is tearing them apart.

Life is the answer, don’t narrow your thoughts,

The pleasure of rain, is defined by the agony of droughts.

As the presence of light is useless without the dark,

If life is a cuisine, the mistakes are salt.

Life is the answer, mark your presence,

Wherever you go, spread your sweet essence.

Happiness is a genie, who lies on our palm,

He stays or he leaves, your wish – his command.

Life is the answer, and the answers will come,

Why you suffer, before any trial has begun.

I share with you, perhaps no truth so lame,

To pick happiness, is the goal of  His game.

Now you lie on your death-bed, waiting to perish,

Searching moments, from your life to cherish.

Music was on, never realized you were the dancer,

You kept putting questions, when itself life was the answer.

It is said that the human society, differs from the other societies for they human beings as we are called (wonder, why so!) are the only self beings who has a conscience. What is a conscience and what role does it play in these humans is a question which I m too young to answer to it or may be even at 60 years of my age I would be saying the same thing. But this whatever thing in humans is, make things more complicated, this adds things like feelings, sentiments, expectations, emotions and guilt in us. 

Situations change with time and so do people. Adaptation as it is said, is the most important tool for survival. But, this adaptation, is it so easy? May be not. But it is again a universally accepted fact that the more fast and easily you adapt yourself to the condition, the more better you feel. Why aren’t things permanent? may be because this is what is termed to be movement in life. Then, why is it so hard to move on…  why does it that one day someone’s sobs aren’t that meaningful any more, whose smile meant the world? Killing aren’t they?!

Somewhere there is a pool of calmness, somewhere there is a blooming flower of love, somewhere there is lightening of happiness and somewhere there is long, silent loneliness…but who bothers… every one has their share.. replacements are done and things are no more the same. But, isn’t it true that everyone has some role to play in life and then finally there is the adaptation business….!!!

But, sincere thanks that there are certain things that remain permanent all through the life….

Mirror

I was trying to fix those pieces, collecting each one of them carefully from the floor. It was a whole marble floor and they were shining due to the reflection of sunlight that hit the floor through the open windows. It was my favorite mirror and I had to fix it by any means. It was not the same, how hard I try…there were cracks in it, visible to me and pinching me, for I wanted it to be the same as before. Disheartened and depressed, I went to the common room. “Rishtey Sheeshe jaise hote hain, agar ek bar toot jayen toh daraarein reh jaate hain”, was the thing I heard from one of the leading ladies of a famous Hindi serial which was being played in the T.V. It meant that relationships are like glass, once broken, the cracks remain forever…

I went back to my room. My room-mates were sleeping. It was dark and the fan was on its full speed. There was a soft, empty bed in front of me and no option left for me other than lying on that cozy thing. But I wasn’t sleepy nor did I want to. Then, my mind took a flight and landed onto the land of thoughts concerning my mirror and all that I heard about it just few minutes earlier. I first visualized my broken mirror with cracks all over it and then recalled the words that the lady in that idiot box told. I questioned to myself, “Are these relations really as fragile as glass? Do they break very easily? And even if they get patched up, the cracks remain?”

Then the tinsel box in my head engaged itself in answering the questions raised. It recalled of many incidents and several situations where the words were proved right. My eyes did witness many such cases and my ears heard such things over and over again. Due, one small word there is so much misunderstanding that, people forget all the good things they once had and they leave everything for a small cause. Breaking is something is very much easier than building up something. All these were going on in my mind and eyes slowly were closing; may be due to the perfect surrounding I was present. And finally, I couldn’t listen what my mind kept on saying.

I got up only after listening to the phone ring. I was still sleepy and my mom called me. I was little irritated and she little worried. Then clash of words started in between us and I cut the call. I was upset because this was the one of the many times that this thing was happening with me on that day. Then all the words that I heard and was thinking before I was sleeping came into my mind and the disappointment in me increased. I began thinking that is our relation the same or things have changed. Does mom loves me the same or I have the same respect for her. Did our relation get a crack? I was worried for I didn’t want that to happen. I was worried, angry and confused. Then, suddenly the phone rang again and I saw that mom was calling. I immediately picked up the call and two voices at once spoke sorry. All my worries, thoughts were gone and there was only smile on my face. My mom told me a lot of sweet things and I was very happy. Nothing but peace was there in my mind.

Whatever it was I realized one thing from all these things that the relations may be like glass but love is much stronger than all other things. A relation bonded by true love is stronger than glass. Even it falls down many times there will not be any cracks in them. Love is above all and everything. There is nothing beyond it. It is the universal language spoken by eyes and heard by heart and can be understood by everyone sooner or later.